One of the nasties: the god of money

This isn’t really about Doo, rather, it addresses one of the challenges I’ve been facing recently.

I’ve been worshipping the god of money. Since I arrived here, I’ve had an ongoing battle with feelings of entitlement, being undervalued by my employer, poorly compensated by the agency that got me here and general greediness, despite being one of the only foreigners who haven’t come to work here because of the tax-free salary. I’ve regularly fallen into the trap of thinking that I am here for the money and forgetting the real reason; since the money isn’t great, and the lifestyle is often difficult, I use my energy to be huffy about getting on the plane and coming home.

My salary is sufficient but it’s not good. I can live comfortably here without planning international adventures every 3mths like any of the nurses can who earn 150% of my salary. I hope to be able to pay off my student debt while I’m here, but now that I know what it costs to live here (about 5x what the agency told me), I realize it’s going to take me a lot longer. It’s occurred to me on the days when I forget the truth about why I’m here, that the lack of progress in my bank account might be the only way the big man can get me to extend my stay here beyond next week! While the thought is a bit funny, it encourages me again to be woeful about my financial situation and to ignore the truthful reasons behind this adventure; my desire to learn Arabic, to form relationships with Doo women and to learn more about fuzzy culture and faith. I’m doing all of these things and I’m so grateful for the opportunities that have opened up. I’m sorry that I’ve shifted my focus, and I’m trying to put things in place to prevent me from falling again.