Perpetual Hobby Trialler

I’ve been navel-gazing rather pointlessly about my ability to commit to hobbies and pondering what my inability to commit means.

It all started with an “off-night” at Salsa dancing once evening. Salsa in Coo is a privilege. It’s one of the few activities that can be done safely in mixed company because it’s held on a Western compound without any local participants. I’ve been attending weekly for two or three months and absolutely loved it, right from the start. Then, two weeks ago, I was dancing away and feeling very self-conscious about not being able to do a particular turn without taking out the chin of my partner. I was slipping and sliding in my very inappropriate shoes, and eventually due to frustration, I sat down in a huff and watched until the end of the class. Not particularly fair given the 3 males to every female in the class!

During my sulk on the sidelines, it occurred to me that I suddenly didn’t enjoy Salsa anymore, and my thoughts even went so far as to accuse the poor dance of being boring and soul-less. It was at this moment when I berated myself for being unkind to a dance just because of my bad mood that I realized I was in the midst of a pattern of behavior.

I always start a new hobby with great enthusiasm and convince myself quickly that I’ve finally found my niche. I’ve done it with piano, clarinet, bass guitar, classical guitar and tuba lessons (yes, tuba), tennis, ballet, badminton, Sea Cadets, indoor netball, swimming, taekwondo, gymnastics, indoor soccer, rowing, running, quilting, knitting, paper recycling, sewing clothes, pretending I could paint, and various other activities that I can’t remember right now. I can look back on the early days of each hobby and recall the feeling of thinking I’d found something that I might be good at AND enjoy.

So, what happens when I decide I don’t want to attend / participate anymore? Is it because I’m easily bored, because I’ve realized I’m not going to be a world-renowned tuba player or a black belt in taekwondo, because I have the attention span of a flea, because I’m a borderline third-culture kid, or because I feel the need to try every activity possible and secretly understand that I can’t do all things at once? I’m really not sure. Maybe there are other reasons that I haven’t even thought of.

I know I can commit to some things. I’m committed to various relationships, committed to many faith-related groups, and I’ve stayed on top of the research in my field of employment when required. I’m committed to learning Arabic despite my very slow progress and committed to paying off my debt, despite the almost non-existent progress. So I feel comfortable that I’m not commitment phobic. There’s definitely part of me that wants to try every activity that I can, and there’s also a part of me that wants to be really good at something. I presume that everyone feels that way at some point in his or her life. Have I just written 500 words about something that everyone does and is perfectly normal?